Stepping out of other people’s stories and staying in my lane!
In my
late teens or early 20’s, I read a Caribbean novel called Turn Again Tiger, by Sam Selvon. That book was my first wake-up call to what it means to be the ‘Star’ or a ‘Supporting character’ in your own movie and or someone else’s.
Tiger, the main character, battles personal and societal pressures of being a self-educated young Indian man in Trinidad. Finally through a series of events and his own introspection he comes to the understanding that “you can't get into someone else’s head and make them feel and think the way you feel and think”.
This quote affected me so deeply at that time that I wrote the poem More Than You Know, to express how easily our words, tone, and gestures can be misunderstood by those closest to us; which I included in the acknowledgements section of my book.
See the world through their eyes...
We all play a supporting character role in other people’s stories of their lives and don’t even know it. You might be saying “If only they could, should feel and think a particular way or what they could be saying and doing to resolve an issue” on their own behalf.
We spend so much time and energy trying to convince others of their greater good in order to get them to agree with our outlook of what’s happening that we forget the role of support, which is to assist not to force.
The Observer Self
This quote helped me to wake up to the observer self (the ability to police your own words, thoughts, and feelings) within all of us; and eventually helped me stop trying to convince others of how they should feel and think and instead appreciate the experience they were having.
There is an easier way to support each other’s stories and stay in our own lane.
When we connect and build support with people who have similar core values in their approach to life, you are better able to match in constructive conversations on conflicts such as different viewpoints with how to tackle life challenges.
Similarly, some of your unnecessary suffering is due to opposing core values with those closest to you, and you trip and fall in their
lane. So sometimes it’s not that you don’t get along, it's that your core values have different guiding systems of responsibility and accountability in the world.
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